Domestic Violence
How do we turn the tide?
Abstract
Domestic Violence was once considered a gender issue. In fact, the National Government legislation of 1990 is referred to as VAWA – the Violence Against Women Act. But domestic violence is not gender specific. Consider child abuse or elder abuse and, although it is but a small percentage of cases, men too are abused within the domestic environment. No, this is a human rights issue and needs to be considered as such.
Domestic Violence has been defined as a pattern of coercion and control perpetuated by one person against another in an intimate relationship. this encompasses physical, sexual, and psychological abuse the latter of which includes verbal, emotional, property or indirect abuse.
The magnitude of the impact of Domestic Violence on our society is enormous. An integrated approach is essential if we are to effectively deal with it. First and foremost we must ensure the safety of the victim. Second, and every bit as important, is to effectively stop the flow of incidents by working with perpetrators to help them change their behaviors. Beyond this, however, we need a cultural shift that does not require men to flex their muscles to be seen as men and a society that does not insist that women be self-denying and submissive in order to be considered feminine and loveable.
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“I remembered the Greek word for ‘woman hater’: misogynist … Although the word had been in the
language for several hundred years, it was usually used to describe mass murderers, rapists and
others who acted out violently against women.”(Forward, 1986)
Domestic violence is the number one health issue for women and children in the US today. In more than 85% of domestic violence cases, women are the victims. One woman is battered every fifteen seconds. One in four teenage girls reported being punched, slapped, pushed or kicked by a boyfriend when asked in a 2005 study conducted by Liz Clairborne. Domestic violence is the seventh leading cause of premature death for women in America and the second leading cause in the African American community. It is an epidemic inflicting enormous costs on our society. The Center for Disease Control estimated in 2009 that the medical and mental health costs directly attributed to domestic violence exceeded $8.3 billion dollars.
In the foreword to Men Who Batter, Maria Roy, author of “The Abusive Partner and Battered Women”, writes of laying the foundation and building
“ the groundwork for constructing concrete solutions to one of our nation’s most horrific and
ubiquitous problems …” (Gondolf 1985)
So, how do we as a society deal with this threat?
First, we must begin to understand it. Domestic violence is a repeated pattern of behavior by one party in a relationship designed to control, intimidate or coerce the other party. Exhibit I provides a detailed list of such behaviors.
But who behaves like this? To some extent we all do and, in the appropriate time and setting, some of these behaviors though very few, are appropriate. For example, yelling. To attract the attention of a family member, perhaps to save them from harm, yelling might be eminently appropriate. When used to control, intimidate or coerce another, it certainly is not. It is then destructive and abusive.
“Think of a relationship as an investment… Just as every investment involves costs
as well as rewards, so does every relationship. What makes an investment
profitable is a positive ratio of rewards to costs.” (Braiker, 2001)
We have a responsibility to educate preemptively so that young people know the costs and the rewards of a relationship. Creating healthy intimate relationships is dependent on this knowledge and people need to know that before they make the investment.
And why do people behave like this - abusively? There are three different theoretical positions put forward to explain the genesis of abusive behaviors. While it is not the intent of this paper to document these in detail, it may be instructive to highlight them. One encompasses the individual components of causality – those within a person such as mental health, traumatic brain injury, attitude to gender differences and roles, and family of origin experiences. The second refers to those components that clearly relate to the interpersonal or relationship elements – our patterns of interaction. And the third are those that are contextual, historical, societal or environmental. The contextual piece is extremely significant in addressing the domestic violence issue at a macro level.
“These sociopolitical theories hold the patriarchal power plays of men
oppressing women to be at the heart of wife abuse.”(Gondolf 1985)
In some cultures violence is a way of life and violence in the home is accepted. The relative position of women to men varies by country and even by region within a country. Expected roles, educational opportunity, financial independence, dress code are just a few of the indicators and how women are portrayed in the media, in music, in general conversation either fosters or eliminates the objectification of women.
In Western cultures, the evolution of women’s status in society can be traced with the following timeline:
1556 - “Disobedient wives should be severely whipped, though not in anger … a good wife should be taught by her husband, by using the whip to her from time to time, but nicely, in secret, and in a polite fashion, avoiding blows of the fist which causes bruises.” Monk Sylvester
1749 - “Woman was made especially to please man, if the latter must please her in turn, it is a less direct necessity.” (Jean Jacques Rousseau)
1874 - The Supreme Court of North Carolina disallowed The Rule of Thumb (the maximum thickness of a stick with which it was permissible for a man to beat his wife) but stated: “If no permanent injury has been inflicted, nor malicious cruelty nor dangerous violence shown by the husband, it is better to draw the curtain, shut out the public gaze and leave the parties to forgive and forget.”
1920 - The Constitution of The United States of America - The nineteenth amendment of the Constitution gave women the right to vote.
1972 - The Constitution of The United States of America - The Equal Rights Amendment was passed by Congress but failed to be ratified by the required 75 percent of States.
1978 - In 47 States of the United States, raping your wife was not a crime.
1986 - Connecticut passed the “Family Violence Prevention and Response Act”
1994 - Congress passed the “Violence Against Women Act” - a landmark piece of legislation that sought to improve criminal justice and community-based responses to domestic violence.
2010 - Women continue to be objectified …
Exhibit II shows a recent Calvin Kline jeans advertisement that has been banned in Australia because of its provocative and degrading imagery.
“The observations that do prevail suggest, however, that men who batter are
violent in response to gender socialization rather than because they are ‘insane’ or
‘deviant’ ” (Gondolf, 1985) .
Explaining domestic violence does not excuse it. It cannot be excused nor can it be tolerated. Attitudes must be changed and all sectors of society including our corporations need to become catalysts. The audience in a corporation is captive so how do we leverage that.
Exhibit III depicts the systemic approach that has been adopted in the US to address this issue. Safety of the victim is, and should be, the primary concern. But bailing out the bathtub while it continues to overflow will not solve the problem. We have to turn off the faucet. For this, our legislative, judicial, law enforcement, protective and correctional agencies of the state, federal and local governments all have policies and practices in place to apprehend perpetrators who are reported and to transform their behaviors. To this, the services of private non-profit agencies and private practitioners are added to provide safety and support for victims and educational programs for perpetrator transformation. Where are our corporations?
At the Federal level, the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) was passed in 1994. Eight years earlier, in Connecticut, the Family Violence Prevention and Response Act had been passed and this was strengthened on June 7th, 2010 with the passage of the Domestic Violence Reform Bill. In announcing this bill Governor Jodi Rell said,
“It is essential we address the entire scope of family violence. This begins with
understanding why it occurs, how best to protect victims in their most desperate
moments and what steps we can take now to prevent future tragedies.”
(Hartford Courant 2010)
The bill makes sweeping changes to how domestic violence is dealt with in Connecticut, a state in which the domestic violence laws are some of the toughest in the nation. It includes GPS tracking of high risk offenders, employment protections for victims, increased support at shelters and expanded capacity in the courts.
There are now 32 courts in the state of Connecticut with a dedicated “DV Docket”. In these courts there is a DV team consisting of staff from the Prosecutors Office, Family Services, Victim’s Advocates, Department of Children and Families, Department of Aging and the agency providing perpetrator treatment programs. This team meets weekly to review cases and provide recommendations to the court. The legal process is detailed in Exhibit IV. Note that there are two streams based on the severity of the violence and the assessment of risk.
Dedicated law enforcement teams focused solely on domestic violence cases have been established in most towns in Connecticut. Every DV Docket is supported by an agency providing victims’ services to the towns serviced by that court. The “docket” is also supported by an agency who provides perpetrator services under a state contract. There are DV consultants assigned to each DCF office and there are DV prevention courses offered in most prisons.
While the apprehension and punishment of offenders is an essential part of maintaining safety in our society, the goal of turning off the faucet of domestic violence cannot be achieved merely by stopping those current perpetrators who are caught in the net of the legal system. The issue is deeper and the solution must be broader.
Turning off the faucet requires a cultural change of similar magnitude to that needed to address the human rights movement of the 1960s. At that point in our history, equal rights for non-white members of our society necessitated a major shift in awareness, understanding and attitude to the needs of the disadvantaged. So too, the eradication of domestic violence will necessitate an acceptance that this issue is epidemic.
Only when those who perpetrate the abusive behaviors take responsibility for their actions and acknowledge the impact of their behaviors on their victims, can individual change occur. If we, as a society, accept the sociopolitical perspective that “patriarchal power plays of men” are at the heart of this issue and, if we are willing to explore the possibility that men are socialized with both a sense of entitlement and a need to be “right”, then we may be able to accept without judgment of the individual, that it is a healing of society that must take place in order to inoculate us against the trans-generational passage of this plague. Our society must take responsibility for the part we play. To this end, civic-minded members of towns throughout the United States have formed task forces to raise awareness of their communities to the magnitude of this issue. This is an on-going effort. Each year the month of October is designated Domestic Violence Awareness Month in an effort to begin this necessary cultural shift and in 2010 the “Purple Tie” campaign to involve men more actively in the awareness of the issue of domestic violence, was initiated.
Much has been achieved in “building the groundwork for constructing concrete solutions” as Maria Roy suggested, but there is still much to be done. This is a societal problem – a problem that permeates our system of civilized existence – and it is a problem that demands a systemic approach to solve it.
EXHIBIT I
Physical Abuse• Slapping • Hitting • Punching • Shoving • Choking • Grabbing • Restraining • Throwing objects • Weapons (of any kind)
Sexual Abuse• Forced Sexual Intercourse • Forcing sexual acts that cause discomfort • Not accepting “NO” … physical or verbal • Emotional blackmail to force sex )if you loved me …) • Forcing a partner not to use birth control • Withholding sex • Constant cheating
Verbal Abuse• Name Calling • Insults • Public Humiliation • Yelling • Attacks on a person’s • Self Concept • character • Competence • Physical appearance
Emotional Abuse• Threats of Intimidation • Punching a hole in the wall • Putdowns • Telling a person’s secrets • Jealousy • Possessiveness • Making the victim think they are crazy • Playing mind games • Making the victim feel guilty • Making the victim feel they can’t do anything right • Blaming the victim for everything • Humiliating the victim in front of • Friends • Family • Strangers
Gender Role Stereotype Abuse (Father) • Treating her like a servant • Making all the big decisions • Acting like the “master of the castle” • Defining the man’s and the woman’s roles • Making all the decisions for the couple • Expecting the female to be available to him at all times while choosing when to be available to her • Expecting the female to pamper and wait on him • Attacking a partner’s gender
EXHIBIT II
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Controversy with Calvin Kline Ad, Again
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
EXHIBIT III
EXHIBIT IV
Bibliography
Braiker, Harriet B., Lethal Lovers and Poisonous People. iUniverse.com, Inc., Nebraska, USA, 2001
Forward, Dr, Susan, Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them. Bantam Books, Inc. 1986,
Gondolf, Edward W., Men Who Batter, Learning Publications, Inc., Florida, USA, 1985
Hartford Courant, June 7th, 2010, “Rell signs bill strengthening domestic violence protections.”
Norman-Eady, Sandra., State of Connecticut Research Report, January 1999.
